We have been incredibly fortunate over the last few years to be on the receiving end of a great deal of kindness and generosity. From family to friends to complete strangers, people have offered up support in incredible ways to our family. Everything has meant so much to us and has made the numerous crises we’ve faced more manageable and bearable. 

Most of us have either faced our own crises or witnessed a loved one go through their own. These events can leave us feeling stressed, lost, helpless, and possibly very alone. I thought it might be helpful to share some ideas for anyone who may need them someday, including ways to make it as easy as possible for those on the receiving end.

Financial support

When a major crisis strikes, one of the top worries for many people will be money. Time away from work, lost vacation, and associated bills/costs may all be a problem. Sloane’s open heart surgery, my surgeries, chemo, scans, and appointments have all required SO MUCH time away from work – obviously for myself, but also for my husband and our family. Suddenly there is a decrease in income, a MAJOR increase in expenses, along with the world being turned upside down. Simple things like going to the grocery store, making meals, and doing fun things with the kids become luxuries. 

Needless to say, for many people (though not all), any type of financial support may be incredibly helpful. If you’re not sure, it’s ok to ask! Just beware, it’s normal for people to decline help: No one likes to feel needy or helpless, even if they could legitimately use the help. It honestly took us quite a while to accept my cousin’s kind offer to start a GoFundMe account for us… we finally decided to do so because so many people were asking if we had one. We had no idea so many people would want to help us! 

If you are going to gift money, there are a variety of ways to do so. Perhaps you could help set up or share a fundraiser, or help spread the word about another preferred payment method. Platforms like GoFundMe are a great way to streamline updates and quickly spread the news, but they do take a small portion of the donations. Cash, check, gift cards, or direct money transfers through methods like Venmo and Apple Pay are generally quick and easy, without any associated fees. 

Food

In our experience, and in many others’ I’ve seen, one of the next most helpful means of support is food. When we’re in crisis mode, the last thing we want to (or can) think about is preparing a meal; and when there are kids involved, you know it’s an even bigger chore! Nowadays there are so many delivery services available, but this of course depends on a person’s location. If you know the person’s favorite restaurants, grocery stores, or delivery services, simply sending them a gift card so they can order their own food on their own time is super slick for you, and probably most convenient for them. People have such a wide variety of dietary preferences and restrictions, so this is a pretty safe way to ensure they can get just what they want when they need it. You may have the desire to order food for someone, thinking it will make it easier for them, and for some people, this may work. However, for a family, it’s probably easiest to allow them to do it themselves and just gift them a gift card or money. 

One really cool food delivery option we learned about through a very kind gift is a website called Spoonful of Comfort (www.spoonfulofcomfort.com). They offer gift selections for different occasions and ship all over the United States. Each package comes with a variety of options to choose from, and FYI: their triple chocolate chunk cookies are some of the best cookies I’ve ever had! There are an increasing number of these food delivery services, which is really fortunate for those who may not otherwise have access.

If you live close by and want to bring some type of food, my advice is to check on dietary preferences/restrictions and have some options in mind. When someone is in crisis mode, the last thing they want to do is think of a meal for someone else to make for them… it might make them feel like they’re asking too much, and honestly, might add more stress. My advice would be to offer some specific options, and see if any of them sound good to them. Preparing a simple, ready-to-bake meal with all the fixings and sides can be incredibly special, and best of all, easy for them! Think: some type of pan meal that can be warmed up in the oven, pre-cut and cleaned veggies, fruit, or a salad ready to be thrown together. Anything you can do to reduce prep work is going to be super helpful! Lastly, if you’re planning on dropping off the food, please consider offering the option to drop and go. If they can and/or want to visit, great! But that obligation to entertain or talk may seem like a burden they are not ready or able to take on. Remember, the goal here is to lighten their burden, not create new ones.  

Gifts

It is unlikely that anyone facing a crisis is expecting gifts. However, I recommend considering gifts that are either practical or genuine and personal if you’re feeling called to send something physical. I will be writing a separate post that will go into more detail about specific ideas, but care packages or items you know will provide some comfort or ease into their day can be especially meaningful. 

Support

Helping someone during a crisis does not require you to reach into your pockets. Consider reaching into your heart. Send a handwritten card, a text, or an email. Share some love, support, inspiration, or hope. Pray. Lend an ear. Be patient. And it never hurts to offer up the magical words, “No need to respond.” I have personally gained so much strength from the kind and supportive messages I’ve received from people over the years. Unfortunately, I don’t often have the time or energy to respond (or respond as fully as I’d like) to every message. To be on the receiving end of “No need to respond” feels like a warm hug. I know they understand I would reply in depth if I could, and that I will if I get the chance, but that burden has been lifted from my already-heavy shoulders. 

If you find yourself in a position to help others and you have the ability to do so, I hope this post can be of help to you. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and I will plan to share further details in a later post, as mentioned above. 

Sometimes life is exceptionally hard and unfair, but it is absolutely easier to face the dark days when you know you have the support of others holding you up. 

🌻Be the reason someone smiles. Be the reason someone feels loved and believes in the goodness of people. -Roy T. Bennett🌻