Surgery This Week & Many Unknowns

The celebrations and little joys of summer were short-lived.. I only got a couple weeks of feeling human again before I ended up in the emergency room twice in the last week, with lots of unanswered questions and a current plan for surgery this Thursday 😩

The “indeterminate” spot in my left axilla from the July 1 scans has grown quite a bit during the last few weeks, pressing on my brachial plexus and intercostal nerves, causing quite a bit of pain and nerve symptoms. There is also another new, suspicious spot on my left scapula. The hope is to have this all taken care of with surgery on Thursday.

I had to go back to the ED yesterday because of worsening pelvic and groin pain, to find out I have a 6cm ovarian cyst 🤯 After a verrrrrry long day, ovarian torsion was reasonably ruled out and I was allowed to go home.

I’ve also been having new pain in my right axilla/shoulder, but they couldn’t do an MRI yesterday, so waiting to hear back when that can be done.. and need to follow closely for the ovarian cyst (including more imaging and probable consult with gyn-onc), meanwhile praying that it goes away on its own quickly and doesn’t result in torsion or rupture 😩

I continue to be in quite a bit of pain from everything, and the stress and anxiety are through the Roof! I am SO F*ing sick of this rollercoaster of shit!!

I expect to be hearing from a lot of providers in the coming days as we make plans for what’s next. I appreciate prayers for this to all be resolved quickly and easily, for peace and healing. All the plans we had for the remainder of the summer (including our wedding anniversary, the fair, waterpark, walks, etc) are completely shot to shit now. Emotionally, I am not in a good place. I am trying hard to focus on the kids, Brandon, and the little moments of less pain and peace, but they are hard to come by. I want to heal from all of this 😭. I want so badly to be healthy so that I can enjoy life with my family and we can do even simple things together without being insanely stressed or in a lot of pain. The fears and unknowns are terrible. I want to live a long, healthy life with my family. Cancer needs to F* off!!!

1 Year Since Spinal Surgery

1 year ago today I underwent emergency spinal surgery to remove a tumor on my cervical spine. That night in the ICU I couldn’t move my head even a millimeter without the most excruciating pain I’d ever experienced. I had no idea how I would ever recover or walk or use my right arm and hand again. Through intensive OT, PT, chiropractic, and an insane amount of grit, I am still working to regain function and control pain, while learning to live with the consequences caused by the tumor, surgery, and radiation.

Tonight (and every day) we celebrate. We celebrate Life. Being alive. Being home with my family. Being able to walk without an assistive device. Being here to watch my kids grow. To experience simple pleasures in life and continue working towards healing and many more years together.
Thank you, God! 🙏 Here’s to even better days ahead 💖

1 Month Since Surgery

It’s been 1 month since my spinal surgery, and I realized I never shared some of the key photos and information about my stay in the hospital. The past few weeks have been emotionally and physically some of the most challenging of my life. I feel like I keep saying some variation of that during this stupid cancer journey, but it’s true. I would like to declare that I am only accepting joyous, exciting, miraculous, and amazing experiences from here on out, ok?!

Almost 10pm on 7/13/23; 8 hours after arriving in the ED and still no updates. No bed. Just a recliner and folding chair.

Axial view of the tumor (white) pushing my spinal cord out of the way

Sagittal view of the tumor (white) in my spine

My parents brought Sloane to the hospital a couple days after I found out about the tumor, and was unfortunately unable to leave the hospital before surgery (thanks, insurance). Her cuddles, energy, and joy helped immensely.

She picked out this little dog, “Sunny,” in the hospital gift shop for me 🥰 She was SO excited about it, and told me I could cuddle him whenever I was scared or lonely. I kept him at my bedside every day in the hospital, and have since getting home, too ❤️

I sadly missed Super Soccer Saturday on account of being stuck in the hospital. It was the last soccer day of the season. Mason was so excited to show me his trophy when he and Brandon came to visit that night ❤️

Jess came all the way up to visit me the day before my surgery. Somehow the timing worked out and she happened to be in the state when all of this happened. So grateful for our time together 💞

Forcing myself to smile through the tears. 7/16 was our first date anniversary. We had planned to take the kids for a walk and then have lunch at our first date location, as tradition. Instead, I was stuck in the hospital, completely terrified for surgery the following day. Grateful for the amazing partner I met 12 years ago, still always by my side 💙

In pre-op, waiting to be taken back. Scared as hell. Thankful for him.

The morning after a horrific night in the ICU

Partially with it, realizing what they’d done to my hair in order to complete the surgery 😳

Happy to have Jess & Brandon with me, 2 days post-op! Jess even redid my hair, which was no easy task given the amount of sores and scabbing all over my head and scalp from the devices they used to stabilize me during surgery 😵‍💫

Sitting on the edge of the bed for the first time, trying not to fall over. My head felt like a 200 lb lollipop on a wet stick for almost 2 weeks.

💝 Cousins by chance, sisters and best friends by choice 💝 This woman continues to support me every single day. She listens to me bitch and cry and somehow continues to have patience and love for me every dang day.

Walking in the hall, post-op day 3. Scary and painful as hell.

Sometimes when I couldn’t find a good comedy on, I would just watch Bluey 🥰 Reminded me of Sloane and home.. and let’s be honest, it’s a good show, too 😏

Mason picked out these beautiful flowers for me at Costco. They held up for over 2 weeks!! ❤️

Being in the hospital is so incredibly lonely (despite the billions of interruptions during the day). One of my very best friends, Joy, came to visit me one day. It felt Amazing to forget about all the hospital and cancer stuff for a little while, and just feel like I was having coffee with my girlfriend 💖

The rehab unit had a little deck; Brandon was finally able to take me out onto it one night. It was my first fresh air in 11 days 🤯 The deck had lots of beautiful planters, with plants, flowers, and vegetables growing.

This was my first wheelchair while in rehab. I later got an electric one which gave me the ability to drive myself to and from therapy appointments each day.

Feeling like a different woman! I finally got my hair washed (with lots of help from the OT) for the first time since surgery!! It had been 9 days 🫣

Realizing they shaved part of my head to do the surgery 🥴🙁

All packed up and ready to go home!!! 🙌🙌 After being in the hospital for 16 days, I was more than ready to get out!!

My rollator goes everywhere with me now when I leave the house. As nice as it is, I’m looking forward to the day when I can safely walk without it!

3 Year Cancerversary

Three years ago today I received a voicemail telling me that the “fibroid” they had removed a week earlier was actually cancer. The past 3 years have been a rollercoaster full of stress and anxiety I never imagined I’d face. But then, who really expects to be dealt such a blow (especially at only 32 years old)?

I know that this date will always trigger a lot of sad and distressing memories for me, but I am going to be doing my best to make sure that my cancerversary isn’t a day filled with bad memories and resentment. Fortunately, the temps got above freezing here this morning, so we took the kids to one of our favorite parks for a walk. While I’ve long enjoyed our family walks, today I tried to pay extra special attention to the beauty of the day, and be grateful to have made it to another milestone. Rather than “3 years of cancer,” I’m trying (though it’s Hard) to remind myself that it’s “3 years SURVIVING cancer.” Thank God for that!

🌻Look how far I’ve come🌻

Sloane’s Surgery Anniversary

Today is the 3 year anniversary of Sloane’s open heart surgery. She was just 5 days old. The surgery took All day: We were one of the first families to enter the waiting room in the morning and one of the very last to leave that evening. It was undoubtedly one of the longest, most stressful days of our lives. God and her cardiology team truly worked some miracles that day!

Getting in some kisses and snuggles before we handed Sloane over to the surgical team

Our first time seeing Sloane the evening following her surgery.

This time of year brings up a lot of intense and mixed emotions as we move through Sloane’s birthday and our various medical “anniversaries.” I am doing my best to focus on all there is to be grateful for, but it isn’t easy. Not a day goes by I don’t thank God for our amazing little girl. We are so grateful to have her in our family! Days like today just bring it top of mind more than usual.

Sloane has proven she’s one tough cookie since Day 1, and now that she’s 3… WoooWeee! 😵‍💫🫣😂 Watch out, world! This girl has opinions, a fighting spirit, and she demands to be heard! We love her and her wild spirit so very much! ❤️💝💖

🌻Cling to what is good🌻