Author: Lauren

Welcome! Thank you for being here! My name is Lauren Doyle. My husband and I have been married since 2013, and together since 2011. We have 2 wonderful kids and live in the Twin Cities suburbs. I have both a Master’s and a Doctorate and am a board-certified Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner. I also have the student loans to prove it. In 2019 our lives were turned upside down. Our daughter was born with a serious heart defect that required open heart surgery when she was just 5 days old. A couple weeks after her birth (while she was still in the hospital), I found a mass in my abdomen which required major emergency surgery to remove. At first, we were told it was just a fibroid; we learned about a week later that the mass was a rare and aggressive type of cancer – leiomyosarcoma. Through multiple surgeries and chemo, I have come out the other side, changed in many ways. I am now considered Stage IV, with a chemo-induced heart condition, and struggle with several other severe side effects from treatments. I continue to work and live and love as best as I can. I will not claim to have all the answers about anything, but I can tell you I have learned a LOT in my 35+ years of life thus far. My passion has always been helping and educating people in whatever ways possible. I am hoping this blog will allow me to do that for a broader population beyond the patients I see at work, share my unique journey, and help keep friends and family in the loop along the way. Thank you again for being here.

Helping Others During Times of Crisis

We have been incredibly fortunate over the last few years to be on the receiving end of a great deal of kindness and generosity. From family to friends to complete strangers, people have offered up support in incredible ways to our family. Everything has meant so much to us and has made the numerous crises we’ve faced more manageable and bearable.

Most of us have either faced our own crises or witnessed a loved one go through their own. These events can leave us feeling stressed, lost, helpless, and possibly very alone. I thought it might be helpful to share some ideas for anyone who may need them someday, including ways to make it as easy as possible for those on the receiving end.

Financial support

When a major crisis strikes, one of the top worries for many people will be money. Time away from work, lost vacation, and associated bills/costs may all be a problem. Sloane’s open heart surgery, my surgeries, chemo, scans, and appointments have all required SO MUCH time away from work – obviously for myself, but also for my husband and our family. Suddenly there is a decrease in income, a MAJOR increase in expenses, along with the world being turned upside down. Simple things like going to the grocery store, making meals, and doing fun things with the kids become luxuries.

Needless to say, for many people (though not all), any type of financial support may be incredibly helpful. If you’re not sure, it’s ok to ask! Just beware, it’s normal for people to decline help: No one likes to feel needy or helpless, even if they could legitimately use the help. It honestly took us quite a while to accept my cousin’s kind offer to start a GoFundMe account for us… we finally decided to do so because so many people were asking if we had one. We had no idea so many people would want to help us!

If you are going to gift money, there are a variety of ways to do so. Perhaps you could help set up or share a fundraiser, or help spread the word about another preferred payment method. Platforms like GoFundMe are a great way to streamline updates and quickly spread the news, but they do take a small portion of the donations. Cash, check, gift cards, or direct money transfers through methods like Venmo and Apple Pay are generally quick and easy, without any associated fees.

Food

In our experience, and in many others’ I’ve seen, one of the next most helpful means of support is food. When we’re in crisis mode, the last thing we want to (or can) think about is preparing a meal; and when there are kids involved, you know it’s an even bigger chore! Nowadays there are so many delivery services available, but this of course depends on a person’s location. If you know the person’s favorite restaurants, grocery stores, or delivery services, simply sending them a gift card so they can order their own food on their own time is super slick for you, and probably most convenient for them. People have such a wide variety of dietary preferences and restrictions, so this is a pretty safe way to ensure they can get just what they want when they need it. You may have the desire to order food for someone, thinking it will make it easier for them, and for some people, this may work. However, for a family, it’s probably easiest to allow them to do it themselves and just gift them a gift card or money.

One really cool food delivery option we learned about through a very kind gift is a website called Spoonful of Comfort (www.spoonfulofcomfort.com). They offer gift selections for different occasions and ship all over the United States. Each package comes with a variety of options to choose from, and FYI: their triple chocolate chunk cookies are some of the best cookies I’ve ever had! There are an increasing number of these food delivery services, which is really fortunate for those who may not otherwise have access.

If you live close by and want to bring some type of food, my advice is to check on dietary preferences/restrictions and have some options in mind. When someone is in crisis mode, the last thing they want to do is think of a meal for someone else to make for them… it might make them feel like they’re asking too much, and honestly, might add more stress. My advice would be to offer some specific options, and see if any of them sound good to them. Preparing a simple, ready-to-bake meal with all the fixings and sides can be incredibly special, and best of all, easy for them! Think: some type of pan meal that can be warmed up in the oven, pre-cut and cleaned veggies, fruit, or a salad ready to be thrown together. Anything you can do to reduce prep work is going to be super helpful! Lastly, if you’re planning on dropping off the food, please consider offering the option to drop and go. If they can and/or want to visit, great! But that obligation to entertain or talk may seem like a burden they are not ready or able to take on. Remember, the goal here is to lighten their burden, not create new ones.

Gifts

It is unlikely that anyone facing a crisis is expecting gifts. However, I recommend considering gifts that are either practical or genuine and personal if you’re feeling called to send something physical. I will be writing a separate post that will go into more detail about specific ideas, but care packages or items you know will provide some comfort or ease into their day can be especially meaningful.

Support

Helping someone during a crisis does not require you to reach into your pockets. Consider reaching into your heart. Send a handwritten card, a text, or an email. Share some love, support, inspiration, or hope. Pray. Lend an ear. Be patient. And it never hurts to offer up the magical words, “No need to respond.” I have personally gained so much strength from the kind and supportive messages I’ve received from people over the years. Unfortunately, I don’t often have the time or energy to respond (or respond as fully as I’d like) to every message. To be on the receiving end of “No need to respond” feels like a warm hug. I know they understand I would reply in depth if I could, and that I will if I get the chance, but that burden has been lifted from my already-heavy shoulders.

If you find yourself in a position to help others and you have the ability to do so, I hope this post can be of help to you. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and I will plan to share further details in a later post, as mentioned above.

Sometimes life is exceptionally hard and unfair, but it is absolutely easier to face the dark days when you know you have the support of others holding you up.

🌻Be the reason someone smiles. Be the reason someone feels loved and believes in the goodness of people. -Roy T. Bennett🌻

3 Year Cancerversary

Three years ago today I received a voicemail telling me that the “fibroid” they had removed a week earlier was actually cancer. The past 3 years have been a rollercoaster full of stress and anxiety I never imagined I’d face. But then, who really expects to be dealt such a blow (especially at only 32 years old)?

I know that this date will always trigger a lot of sad and distressing memories for me, but I am going to be doing my best to make sure that my cancerversary isn’t a day filled with bad memories and resentment. Fortunately, the temps got above freezing here this morning, so we took the kids to one of our favorite parks for a walk. While I’ve long enjoyed our family walks, today I tried to pay extra special attention to the beauty of the day, and be grateful to have made it to another milestone. Rather than “3 years of cancer,” I’m trying (though it’s Hard) to remind myself that it’s “3 years SURVIVING cancer.” Thank God for that!

🌻Look how far I’ve come🌻

TV’s Effect on Mood

Cancer can mess with every single aspect of your life. Mental health is one of the most notable areas that can be affected, which I’m sure comes as no surprise to most of you. Since my metastatic diagnosis earlier this year, I have found it particularly difficult to manage my anxiety, PTSD, and depression. It is literally an everyday battle, trying to keep my head above water… it’s just a matter of How difficult each day (or hour) will be that varies.

One of the things I have come to find (much too late in life, in my opinion), is how significantly my mood can be impacted by what my mind is consuming. Now, for some of you that might seem like a no-brainer. For me, it took a while to figure it out.

I have always been what some would call “tender-hearted.” I’ve never been one to enjoy scary movies or even action/thriller films. My body can’t seem to tell the difference between a real threat and something I’m watching on TV. My heart will start racing, I’ll be sweating, and I’ll be on my phone to distract myself (or possibly even Googling the plot/outcome to help ease my anxiety rather than wait and watch it unfold). Why, then, did I not think this issue applied to all other genres and moods?

Now, I Love me some Grey’s Anatomy and Outlander, but do my body and mood love them? Hell no! Even if I’ve watched the same episode more than once, I still cry, get nervous, sweaty, anxious, etc. And it doesn’t just go away once I turn off the show. Those physical and mental changes stick with me, and can even interrupt my sleep! Sounds a bit bizarre, to some of you, I’m sure. Now, I know with 100% certainty that these are TV shows/movies. I know that these actors are actually alive and well and living very different lives from their characters on the screen. But the emotions were triggered, and they don’t like to leave or change easily.

So, what do I do? I watch FEEL GOOD shows!… Which means almost exclusively comedies. I can enjoy the occasional Rom-Com (especially if it’s one I’ve seen and enjoyed before), but if I’m not laughing, I know I probably shouldn’t be watching it unless I want to deal with the repercussions.

Thankfully, I married a guy with a similar and fantastic sense of humor, so we have a lot of fun exploring new shows together and rewatching some of our favorites. This gives me something I can look forward to each day, and lightens my mood a bit, no matter how upset or worked up I might be.

Right now Brandon and I are watching the CBS version of Ghosts. It is light-hearted, clever, and funny. The characters are endearing, and there’s even some dark humor now and then, for which I do have an appreciation 😏. We’ll definitely be watching the BBC version of Ghosts once we get caught up with this one.

If any of you are looking for some suggestions in the comedy or feel-good TV genres, here is a list of our/my favorites:

30 Rock
Arrested Development
Big Bang Theory
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Community
Dead to Me (dark humor)
Flight of the Conchords
Friends
Golden Girls
Last Man on Earth
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
New Girl
Parks & Recreation
Queer Eye (never Not cried from an episode, but so so feel-good!)
Raising Hope
Scrubs (will still make me cry, but is overall feel-good)
Schitt’s Creek
Ted Lasso (Umm, the Best)
The Good Place
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

We have watched all of these multiple times – I think we’ve made it through all of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt at least 4 or 5 times now, including the movie. I’ll also admit that I’ve seen every episode of Friends and Golden Girls probably over 20 times, and I still rewatch them regularly. Can you say “comfort shows?!”

What are some of your favorite feel-good TV shows that I don’t have listed here? We’re always looking for new ones to add to our queue!

Sloane’s Surgery Anniversary

Today is the 3 year anniversary of Sloane’s open heart surgery. She was just 5 days old. The surgery took All day: We were one of the first families to enter the waiting room in the morning and one of the very last to leave that evening. It was undoubtedly one of the longest, most stressful days of our lives. God and her cardiology team truly worked some miracles that day!

Getting in some kisses and snuggles before we handed Sloane over to the surgical team

Our first time seeing Sloane the evening following her surgery.

This time of year brings up a lot of intense and mixed emotions as we move through Sloane’s birthday and our various medical “anniversaries.” I am doing my best to focus on all there is to be grateful for, but it isn’t easy. Not a day goes by I don’t thank God for our amazing little girl. We are so grateful to have her in our family! Days like today just bring it top of mind more than usual.

Sloane has proven she’s one tough cookie since Day 1, and now that she’s 3… WoooWeee! 😵‍💫🫣😂 Watch out, world! This girl has opinions, a fighting spirit, and she demands to be heard! We love her and her wild spirit so very much! ❤️💝💖

🌻Cling to what is good🌻

Little Did I Know…

3 years ago on this night, I kissed and tucked Mason into his bed, knowing his baby sister would be coming any day now. The frequent worries running through my mind, wondering if I could have enough time and love for 2 babies… something I think most moms worry about before adding another child to the family. I drifted off to sleep, only to be awakened about an hour later by my water breaking in bed.

We were able to somewhat leisurely prepare ourselves for the hospital; the contractions didn’t really kick in until we were on the road. We let Mason sleep as long as we could, and then dropped him off at his grandparents’ house in the middle of the night, then headed downtown.

I still vividly remember walking across the quiet, empty streets in Minneapolis as we made our way from the parking ramp to the hospital. This night was not only leading to our daughter’s birth, but it would also be the last time our lives were “normal.” Little did we know all that lay ahead. That it would be 3 weeks before we’d sleep in our own bed again. More than 3 weeks before we could all be home together. That Sloane and I would both undergo major, emergency life-saving surgeries before we could come back home.

Little did I know when I crawled into bed just 3 years ago…

🌻Though darkness falls, I look to and am grateful for the light🌻

Suffering

Suffering. Sometimes when you’re in the thick of it, you can’t see past your own nose. The world is unfair, and no one understands you or your situation. You’re wondering why God or the universe is punishing You! Why not someone else more deserving of punishment?!

Sometimes, when you sit with the suffering long enough, you begin to look out and see that many others are also suffering. Yes, the world is unfair sometimes. No, no one truly Does understand your unique situation or personal level of suffering. But maybe this isn’t about punishment. Maybe this is just part of the human experience, and how wonderful to have the capacity to help ease another soul’s suffering.

We’re all suffering a little bit, aren’t we?… Some much more than others, and we’re all in different phases of dealing with it. I know I can swing between cynical and compassionate multiple times on a particularly tough day!

While we can’t (and shouldn’t) always be the ones tending to others’ suffering, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could each help alleviate a little of someone else’s suffering any chance we can?

Think about the last time you eased someone’s suffering. When was the last time someone did that for you?

My job requires me to have a llllllot of compassion for others. Fortunately most days I am keenly aware of my patients’ suffering, and I’m able to listen, sit with them through it, and help problem solve. Is it always easy? Big no! But I’m all too familiar with what it feels like to be a scared patient and parent and need more than anything for my health care provider to truly be there with me and for me. Even if I can’t always get that as a patient, I do my best to be that provider whenever possible.

The world can be a scary, stressful, and uncertain place; do the world (and yourself) a favor, and take the opportunity to help ease someone’s suffering when you can. You might even be surprised to find that you’ve helped yourself the most in the end.

🌻Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world🌻

Welcome!

Thank you for being here!

This blog has literally been years in the making. I have intended to finally pull the trigger and write my first post many times, but life (and fear) has gotten in the way. Countless individuals have encouraged me to start a blog during the last couple of years, so I want to say thank you to those who have continued to support my writing.

So, why am I here? Why are You here?

Well, maybe you know me and already know a lot about me, and would like to stay up to date on my life happenings. Maybe you’ve seen me on social media, or maybe we’re meeting for the first time. Whatever the reasons, I am hoping this blog will help me to streamline the process of sharing updates about my life, while also hopefully providing some inspiration, humor, and/or helpful information to my readers.

What might I be able to offer?

I think my life experiences and circumstances have provided a very unique filter through which to view life and share information.

My husband and I have been married since 2013, and together since 2011. We have 2 wonderful kids and live in the Twin Cities suburbs. I have both a Master’s and a Doctorate and am a board-certified Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner. I also have the student loans to prove it.

In 2019 our lives were turned upside down. Our daughter was born with a serious heart defect that required open heart surgery when she was just 5 days old. A couple weeks after her birth (while she was still in the hospital), I found a mass in my abdomen which required major emergency surgery to remove. At first, we were told it was just a fibroid; we learned about a week later that the mass was a rare and aggressive type of cancer – leiomyosarcoma. Through multiple surgeries and chemo, I have come out the other side, changed in many ways. I am now considered Stage IV, with a chemo-induced heart condition, and struggle with several other severe side effects from treatments.

I continue to work and live and love as best as I can. I will not claim to have all the answers about anything, but I can tell you I have learned a LOT in my 35 years of life thus far. My passion has Always been helping and educating people in whatever ways possible. I am hoping this blog will allow me to do that for a broader population beyond the patients I see at work, share my unique journey, and help keep friends and family in the loop along the way.

Thank you again for being here.

🌻Expect miracles🌻